I have a new roommate that moved into my apartment last weekend. She had just undergone a dramatic breakup. Angela had been livng with her fiance, but in a fit he threw her out while fighting over a past relationship. He packed up her clothes and threw her out in the rain. Angela’s family lives out of state and had no place to go. As a result, she slept in her car two nights.
This previous weekend Angela appeared on my apartment doorstep, looked at the room, and left to sign the lease that very afternoon. I helped her move in that very same Saturday night. Angela and I drove around Salt Lake City a litte, and at the Fiddler’s Elbow, the details of their relationship unfolded. After hearing the details, I was left speechless. She painted a portrait of a middle aged, unstable man with a great deal of erratic computer. It makes me glad she did not walk down the aisle with him.
Angela still had her engagement ring, as well the wedding band to go with. She works with her ex fiance, and is experiencing some pressure from their mutual friends to return the ring. At first, Angela said that she was going to return the ring. After a few days, she has changed her mind and wants to sell it. So here is my question for you all: What is the right thing to do…should she keep the ring or return it? I have had etiquette explained both ways. Personally, I think she should keep it because it was a gift. On the other hand, I returned my ring to my former fiance the night our engagement ended. I didn’t want the ring around as a symbol of pain; also, he asked for it back. Frankly, had I waited a few days, I probably would have pawned or sold it.
So friends, we need your advice. What is the best way for Angela to handle this sensitive situation? Please respond below.
i would sell it, i know it was a gift but if they are through and he doesn’t want it back. If they are done, that is what i would do.
Comment by Jessica — May 6, 2009 @ 10:12 pm
The only thing that worries me is that you stated he was unstable.
I would say she should keep the ring…………….gift and all………..but I wonder if that would keep him hanging around harassing her. Maybe even getting a bit violent? Just a thought.
By the way, I’m glad she found you.
Comment by zelzee — May 7, 2009 @ 2:54 am
Does she have/need money? If they were living together and he threw her out and she lost out on some deposit, etc from their living situation, I’d say it justifies her to keep and sell it.
But he if it he unstable, perhaps she might want to consider a restraining order first…
Comment by jennawoestman — May 7, 2009 @ 9:59 am
OH OH!!! THIS IS WHAT I WENT THREW WITH MY EX HUSBAND IN A WAY!!!!! Keep it, screw him! If you dont need the money now someday you will and then pawn it. Get a restraining order if you can if he’s crazy. As I had advised you, EMILY, keep the ring so you can get the cash.
Comment by jenran — May 7, 2009 @ 12:21 pm
technically, it’s hers as it was a gift, legally she’s allowed to keep it / do whatever she likes!
Comment by Sarah — May 7, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
I’d take the high road and give the ring back. What’s the pawn value? 150 bucks? The price and take 1/10. Lets get real. And it wasn’t “a gift” ,persay, like a cd player for Christmas (and I would give that back too if they asked), it was an ENGAGEMENT RING!! Traditionally people give those back once the engagement is broken off. It all sounds very questionable and I’m left skeptical… of everyone to a degree. I hope no one gives anyone in this room an engagement ring. Honestly.
But it sounds like she already knows what she’s going to do and it sounds like she’s not convinced it’s the right thing and my Grandma used to say if you have to ask yourself if it’s right then most likely it’s wrong. Sounds like a risky pick in a room-mate, but she might turn out to be the best friend ever. Buy pepper spray and if the guy ever raises hell mase his ass and lock the doors.
Rule #1: You don’t help people who have relationship problems because it’s a self-inflected injury.
Comment by bret — May 7, 2009 @ 5:27 pm