Willing

Sometimes I feel as if I am utterly and completely blind.

Honestly, quite often, I don’t know what I am doing or going.  Even though 1 Corinthians 2:16  tells me that I have the mind Christ, it often doesn’t feel like it. The opening lines of the song Shifting Sand by Caedmon’s Call (one of my all-time favorites) phrase my mindset succintly.

Sometimes I believe all the lies so I can do all the things I should despise
And everyday I am swayed by whatever is on my mind.

How true is that? My emotions and heart are so fickle. As a result I have come to limit God in manny areas of my life. Particularly, He as been dealing with me in how I ought to be willing to serve in future ministry.

I have had one particular struggle for the last eight years. Back when I was dating my first boyfriend, he thought he had a ministry calling. I struggled and resisted the thought of the pressure that would involve being a pastor’s wife. Eventually, God softened my heart and I came to love working in the church.  When I was twenty one, I was dating a good man who I was all wrong for, and he had a ministry calling. I tried to conform myself to the image of what I (and manyaround me) thought a ministry wife ought to be, and failed miserably. I hated not being myself and bitterly struggled against the mold cast by other people. When we broke up, I knew one of the main reasons why he ended the relationship was because he also thought I wasn’t the right kind of person to be the wife of a man in full-time ministry. I simply gave up on the idea this was where God was leading me and my life, and decided not to date anyone with thoughts of serving in vocational Christian service. Before long, I was head over heels in love with my former fiance and it seemed as if my thoughts about making the Worst Pastor’s Wife ever were confirmed, and I would be marrying a lay person who had a passion for church service similar to my own.

Thus I began limiting God. Even after my engagement was called off, I still refused the idea of marrying anyone called to full time ministry.

Another area of my life had been set aside upon my abrupt exit from college. I had dreamed of becoming a biblical counselor. I had a heart to help people according to teaching from the Word of God. Financial issues came to haunt, and I left school. Recently, though, slowly, God has been working on my heart, nudging be back into the area of counseling. After deep consideration, I have decided to seek more training in this area, and not only fufill my dream, but to be part of a ministry the Lord wants me to be involved with.

But things still were not quite right. The Lord kept speaking to my heart, challenging to re-evaluate that firmly held thought that I shouldn’t even consider marrying someone going into full-time Christian service.

I shook my head, stomped my feet. I refused. I said it wasn’t logical. I am too bold, to brash, too offensive, stubborn, offbeat, independent, outspoken. And boy, that was just the beginning! I could probaly call several friends and come up with a dozen more reasons why me becoming a pastor’s wife would be the most illogical move in the world! Dude,  I even bet I could come up with that in five minutes or less!

But still, I felt those nudgings. Trust Me. Trust Me. And still, I resisted. Not a calling, necessarily, but a call to be willing. And for me to ignore that call would be disobedience.

Romans 12:1 says this to the Christian: I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that you present your bodies as a living sacrifie, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

So to break this down a little bit…. let’s look at beseech. This word means to beg, urge, solicit, or appeal. In so many words, the apostle Paul (who wrote the book of Romans) is literally begging us to consider this point.

Next, the mercies of God.  Mercy is when God withholds from man what he really deserves. So Paul is begging us because of an attribute of God’s character. So it’s like saying, “Because God is not giving us what we ought to have (wrath) I am begging that you…”

Present- Our service should be voluntary, not forced by God.

Living sacrifice- We are alive, right? But sacrifice. That is a strong, strong word. Give up yourself for God Himself.

Reasonable service- WAIT A SECOND! Giving up myself to God is not this huge self-sacrifice? That’s right. It’s our reasonable service. Christ gave Himself up on the cross FOR YOU, therefore, it seems reasonable to present yourself as an empty vessel for God’s service. You are not dying, right? Well, maybe… but then, Paul also said,” For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain!”

So in quick summary, we ought to just surrender ourselves to God’s use, because well, we are supposed to anyway, and things are simpler for all parties if you simply do so. Cause really, who is in control? Just a hint: it’s not you.

Also, to no be willing is disobedience.

Ouch.  I looked up and I surrendured. Surely, I would be a horrible ministry wife. In my own power.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My (God’s) strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I glory in myinfirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I realized what God was asking of me. He wasn’t telling me I was going to be a pastor’s wife. He only wanted me to be willing to be, and to trust in Him with all of my weakenesses. Even those weaknesses, when brought under the power of Christ, can be amazing tools for Him.

So, I stated to listen to the voice. I consulted the opinions of godly people I loved. Their conclusion all seemed to be similar: if you marry a strong enough person to lead, you probably would not overpower, but compliment, a ministry. With those thoughts in me, finally I said I would be willing. Willing to do even what I thought was personally impossible. I have so little faith. But He has so much grace.

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sandcastle faith had slipped away
Found myself standing on Your grace
It ‘d been there all the time.
My faith is like shifting sand changed by every wave.
My faith is like shifiting sand so I’ll stand on grace.

2 Cointhians 12:10: “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, them I am strong.”

This, my friends, is the humbling paradox of the Christian walk, weak to self, strong in Christ.

Paradox, indeed. But truly beautiful.

Poem: Love’s Control

 

i will be working on a post based on a memorable customer from my collection years as well as a somewhat theological post regarding an area of my life God has been dealing with. For now, though, I wanted to post this poem. I was reflecting on relationships I have had, and how much my view of love has evolved over the years from experience. I wrote this poem before two prior relationships that really helped me cement my ideas more, but I am glad to see that this poem reflects a solid foundation of my views on biblical love. The practice of such words, though, is an area where I wll continually seek improvement.

This poem was based on the light-switch (on again, off again) love affair of my teen years. I am grateful to this person for doing things for my life that were positive (bringing me to church) but at the same time, I think we were more of a crippling experience for one another than an uplifting experience. I hope we have both taken the tumultuous time we had together and learned what God needed us to know.  He is married now, and I wish him the best.

Love’s Control (Written 7-1-2004)

Stolen kisses and whispers of love
Heated arguments and biting words
Reopening healing wounds
Tearing more
And pouring on the salt
To make them burn
Racing back to one another’s arms
Clinging to the hope
That to the other we were “the one”
Then the salve of puppy love
To make wounds scab over
Fall off
The process began again
And again
It wasn’t love
It was control
Not for you
But for me
For us both
Wanting so badly
To make it work
But it couldn’t
It’s not love
When you seek your own
It’s not love
When deep down you hate
That you can’t let go
Though you see
It’s not working
It never will
It’s sinking
In a cesspool of despair
Created by our drama
And our passion
And self-righteousness
Pity young lovers
Clinging to a vain hope
That young love failing
Without God’s blessing
Will work after all
But there is no hope
When you seek your own
And not the Lord.
Jesus help our finite blinded eyes to see
Love is sacrifice
Love is a choice
Love is from You
And should reflect You.
Thank you the wisdom to let go
And now I see
That it was not love
And was not meant to be.
Help me to know Lord
Your perfect will
That Love is not Love
If it is not in Your control.

© Emily Rebekah

Redecorating

I am in the process of redecorating my room.

Three weeks ago, I purchased a new queen bed. While I was there, I was proposed to by the gentleman who was selling me the bed. Seriously, I get asked out by the guy and McDonald’s and then proposed to by the mattress salesman. What’s next, held hostage in a bridal gown by the grocer?

Anyway…

In this whole recorating process, I went out and bought an Awesome New Bedset. This bedset includes sheets, shams, skirt, and duvet cover. The duvet cover will be perfect because I have a down comforter I have not yet covered.  I have had it for two years, and it will be nice to sleep under it instead of on top of it. (It has been used as an extra layer for my down mattress pad.) I am totally in love with my purchase, because it is blue toile and has brown and brown is a nice accent. I will probably paint my walls a light tan color to accent the blue more.

Well, here is the set I love:

If you want, you can purchase it here from Bella Home Fashions for a fairly reasonable price (your welcome.) I was stoked when I received this set a day or two ago, and decided I wanted to put them on my bed today. I realized they needed to be washed, so I went on a hunt for my laundry detergent. After searching every room in my house, I realized it was gone. I had allowed my new roommate Angela to borrow it on Wednesday, and she failed to return it to the cleaning closet. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if Angela wasn’t currently in San Diego on vacation visiting her family. My theory is that my Purex Natural Elements travelled with my new roommate on her roadtrip.

I am now left wondering what is more annoying…. the fact that I don’t have my Purex when I want to use it the most… or the fact that my laundry detergent gets a few days in SoCal and I don’t? No matter how you look at it for me it is….

So. Not. Fair.

Congratulations to My Kilted Friend!

I would like to take a minute to congratulate my friend Scott Schultz on his graduation today from Dordt College in Sioux Center, IA. After six years of undergrad, he is finally obtaining his degree in Theology.  (What puts a person two years behind in a degree? Try going for Computer Engineering first. Hint: Computer nerd classes don’t translate to Theology degrees, or vice versa. My friend Christopher could tell you the same.) Its not over for this guy though. He plans to go to Sioux Falls Seminary and earn a Master of Divinity. That’s right, friends! The educational fun goes on for another three years!

Feel free to flog him.

So why does Scott earn a public CONGRATS? Well, for one, it is too late to send him a card. But Scott is awesome on multiple levels.  Some of those reasons are:

-The first and best reason would be he is a godly Christian young man who is not afriad to serve God with his entire life
- He feels brave enough to call me lass
-He is from South Dakota, which is another cool state in my book. Almost as cool as Iowa.
-He went to a Christian Reformed school that promoted paedobaptism as a Baptist, and is walking out a Baptist. Taking a stand? He does it.
-He e-mails me when I am working and it helps keep me awake. (I think this is going to stop now, though. Scott? You need a texting plan.)
-He is not beyond good-natured teasing. Need an example? Look at the fire he started on my Facebook on St. Patrick’s Day
-He wants to go into the minstry and knows how to write a wicked awesome paper
-He is a Reformed Baptist that likes Riesling. Much like me.
-He lets me mock his terrible spelling
-He is ridiculously intelligent and well-read  so I have a great time discussing books with him (even C.S. Lewis!)
-He is into a lot of nerd things that sometimes make me laugh
-He willingly engages me in good-natured debates about theology.
-He shamed me for not wearing Scotsman garb on National Tartan Day
-And lastly, he is not afraid to rock a kilt.

So go check out his blog here, congratulate him, read some of his theological writings,  and encourage him in his education. Why? Cause it is far from over! And seriously? Anyone who can endure that much formal education is my hero.

So Scott? Happy Regurgitation Graduation! Only three more to go!

What In The World? Some Food Combos Just Don’t Go Together

 

Welcome to What In The World?, a new weekly feature on my blog where I post a photo that I found ridiculous, hilarious, or just made me scratch my head. This week? I was traumatized. You will see why shortly.

Bacon? There’s nothing quite like a delicious, crispy piece of porker melting in your mouth. It is by far one of my favorite breakfast foods. Pair it with eggs and hash browns, and I have a slice greasy, high fat, high calorie heaven.

Another food I have a storng affinity for is peanut butter. It is a very simple food staple of mine, and goes with both sweet and salty food matches. It is equally amazing with pickles as it is with an apple, banana, honey, apple butter, or any other jam or spread you could imagine. Peanut butter not only has  versatility, but portability in its favor as well. I am able to take a spoonful when I need some quick protein and within a few minutes it has sustained my energy level. Therefore, peanut butter is a superior food in my book.

Then there is the delectible cupcake. The best variety is chocolate. Nothing like having a warm, fluffy, frosted baked item as a desert! And the fabulous thing about frosting is you there are many varieties!! Perhaps one of the best pairings with chocolate is peanut butter. Henry Burnett Reese made my favorite double-threat treat: The Peanut Butter Cup. So let say we have a peanut buttecream frosting on a chocolare cupcake. Doesn’t that sound fabulous?

So I have mentioned three foods. Some of them go together very well, and some don’t. So what happens when you put the three together? I’d imagine you’d get one of the worst culinary abominations known to man.

Intoducing….

The Chocolate Peanut Butter Bacon Cupcake!!

Just. Plain. Wrong.

When I found this baked good bad in Google images, I was speechless. Seriously though, what could I say? This may be one of the most disgusting, throw-up-in-my-mouth combinations I have encountered in a long time. I mean, why? When is it ever a good idea to slap a piece of bacon on top of a chocolate cupcake? The right answer is never.

Ring Return?

I have a new roommate that moved into my apartment last weekend. She had just undergone a dramatic breakup. Angela had been livng with her fiance, but in a fit he threw her out while fighting over a past relationship. He packed up her clothes and threw her out in the rain. Angela’s family lives out of state and had no place to go.  As a result, she slept in her car two nights.

This previous weekend Angela appeared on my apartment doorstep, looked at the room, and left to sign the lease that very afternoon. I helped her move in that very same Saturday night.  Angela and I drove around Salt Lake  City a litte, and at the Fiddler’s Elbow, the details of their relationship unfolded. After hearing the details, I was left speechless. She painted a portrait of a middle aged, unstable man with a great deal of erratic computer. It makes me glad she did not walk down the aisle with him.

Angela still had her engagement ring, as well the wedding band to go with. She works with her ex fiance, and is experiencing some pressure from their mutual friends to return the ring. At first, Angela said that she was going to return the ring.  After a few days, she has changed her mind and wants to sell it. So here is my question for you all: What is the right thing to do…should she keep the ring or return it? I have had etiquette explained both ways. Personally, I think she should keep it because it was a gift. On the other hand, I returned my ring to my former fiance the night our engagement ended. I didn’t want the ring around as a symbol of pain; also, he asked for it back. Frankly, had I waited a few days, I probably would have pawned or sold it.

So friends, we need your advice. What is the best way for Angela to handle this sensitive situation?  Please respond below.

Trials and Blessings

For all you prayer warriors out there, Nancy Johnson’s masectomy is today. I was told by Nancy she would most likely be out Wednesday, should all go well. I’m asking that you pray specifically for these things:

-Wisdom in the surgeon’s judgement/saftey during surgery
-Physical healing for Nancy post-op
- That the cancer is unable to spread
-Comfort for the Johnson, Schaff, Best, and Gunter families (these would be the last names of Harley and Nancy’s offspring)

God, though, in His mercy, seems to combine trial and blessing. Sometimes, the blessing itself comes through the trial, which I am sure will be the case for the for the Johnsons.  On Sunday my church family was given a reason to rejoice with my other pastor and his wife, Chuck and Irene. Brockas have a new grandson that was born Sunday evening. Brody Stoker is a healthy baby boy weighing in at 7 lb 9 1/2 oz, and a headful of curly blond hair. Both mother and baby are doing well.

So, just a remind to all of you (and myself) trials are tough, but they happen that we may be refined and better conformed to the image of Christ. Also, don’t let trial steal a blessing away from you. If you look hard enough, you can always find one (or several) to be thankful for, maybe even a circumstance in the trial!! Blessings help us bear up under our load.

Retirement Homes

One of the things I really enjoy doing with my church is going to the nursing home service we hold at the Olympus Retirement Center in Murray. Each week, I go with the Johnsons and Brockas to do an hour long song and preaching service for a handful of senior citizens who attend.Together, we sing the old hyms and Pastor Chuck gives a small sermon. We st for a while after and talk.  Each week, they seem delighted to see me. I am complimented on my hair, my clothes, my singing voice. I am given small hugs of appreciation.

I am lavished with love.

The experience always blesses my heart. So many seniors have families dump them in care facilities and rarely contact them or visit. I have been lonely before; feeling as if you are alone can be unbearable. I want to reach out to the older generations to show them I have not forgotten them. I go to show that young people still care for the older generation, for the Lord, and for ministry History and people’s experience are important to me. I love to listening to the stories seniors tell me– the tales are fascinating, show so much character, and have many life lessons. Also, I like knowing I have blessed these seniors and made them feel happy and valued.

 But what do I find? Instead of me just being a blessing, the blessing I wish to provide returns to be a hundred fold. I walk away feeling valued. I walk away feeling uplifted. God turns around my intentions and multiplies the love.

I suggest you all go out and connect with some “senior saints” in your local church body or volunteer in a care facility. You won’t regret it.

7 Things I Love: Laughing With Jenni

I decided to blog each of the things I chose for the tag I got from Zelzee to list seven things I love. I chose to explain my relationship with Jenni, my best friend. I could try to write it, but prose lacks the expression verbal storytelling does. I still had a hard time verbalizing our friendships. Listen to the tone of my voice and I think you will get it.

Tagged I’m It

One of my fans  stalkers readers, Zelzee selected me as a victim   friend that would be gullible enough likely to complete a list of seven things I love. I was publicly tagged on her blog post, and well, I’d better live up to it. So here you are…

                          7 Things I Love

Experiencing the power of God in my life
Laughing with my best friend Jenni
The smell and feel of an old book
Humid summer nights
Sweet corn on the cob purchased from the farmer on the side of the road
Sitting on the edge of a river and listening to the sounds around me
Hugs

(ok, I am putting an 8th, because I can’t leave this one off and 8 is my favorite number)

the smell and taste of freshly ground and brewed coffee
Now, for my victims friends that have blogs that I would love to see participate:
Jenni (my best friend) @ Jen Ran Her Mouth Off (She was awesome enough to create a blog so I could tag her. Now you can read her hilarious stories somewhere other than her guest blogs on my blog!
Kristin (the Lutheran me) @ My Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything!
Sarah @ And The I Married a Missionary
Jenna @ How I Became Awesome
Scott @ Perpetual Flogulence
My dear Philly @  a blog she keeps private
And I can’t forget Marci

If you convince me hard enough, I may even blog or vlog each of these!! What say you to that? Also, what are seven things you love? I’d love to know!