Seminary Starts

I guess my last post was a false alarm…. I received an e-mail from my pastor advising me the whole matter was a joke.

Heh, some joke.

Anyway, enough of all of that. Today my darling Scott will begin his first regular seminary courses. I am really excited and proud of him. I have confidence he will walk out of his Master’s degree a smarter, stronger, and sharper Christian.

Also, this whole time thing? We will have to work harder.

Scott and I seem to get along so well because we value the same things in a relationship: communication, loyalty, transparency, time investment. For me, I go beyond thriving on it;  I must admit I covet my partner’s time and attention.

Since we starred our “more than  friends” season of our relationship at the beginning of his summer, Scott and I have had lots of unbudgeted time to devote to one another. With it, we were able to get to know one another and grow closer than some people might be able to in our situation. After a small scheduling issue Saturday, Scott and I realized that our quality time was going to be much less spontaneous and more calculated, more structured. My heart felt a dull ache. I have had to do this before, I share my guy with homework. I KNOW Scott doesn’t want to leave me behind in the dust, but there goes that oh-so-familiar fear of wondering if I am going simply have the leftovers of the time. Once Scott and I were off the phone, I realeased my rush of emotion and shed a few tears. I couldn’t help but wonder when I wasn’t going to need to share Scott.

After my tears were shed, I realized a few things. When Scott is in Seminary, he has homework to do. I want to support him in this process, and it would require some sacrifices. That I understood and really, I desire to do so. As I looked at the road ahead, should the Lord deign we stay together, someday Scott will be in pastoral ministry. At that time, I will be sharing Scott with his congregation. As much as I enjoy the work of the ministry, I don’t want to be married to an absent husband. There is nothing in the world that indicates to me this will be a problem, but I wondered if I would have the “not wanting to share” struggle in the future.

Then it hit me. I am sharing Scott now.

Why, of course. I will always be sharing Scott, for he belongs to the Lord.

Was I willing to share Scott with God? Rather, was I able to accept God’s gift of Scott on God’s terms?

My desire for Scott’s time and attention is  not bad… but it can cross the line of covetousness rather easily. Also, he is not completely mine. So in reflection, Seminary is not going to be just a refining process for Scott… it will be one for me as well. The Christian walk demands conformity to Christ. We don’t have to have His personality or His physical appearance, but the indwelling Holy Spirit  molds us after His character. This process, called sanctification, requires that we figurately put tendencies and desires not after the image of Christ to be put to death.

This too must be cruficied, for not only does Scott belong to the Lord Jesus; so do I.

So hopefully, this Seminary career will teach me not only how to love and desire Scott after the character and example of Christ, but how to love God after the character and example of Christ.

What I Thought I Wanted

Tuxedo in the closet, gold band in a box
Two days from the altar she went and called the whole thing off
What he thought he wanted, what he got instead
Leaves him broken and grateful

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like Aesops foolish dog
I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful
I want to be broken and grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

Sara Groves, 'What I Thought I Wanted'

Over the last year and a half, as I have healed from my greatest heartbreak, this song has taken on a deep meaning for me. Sometimes we have desires the sovereignty of God does not allow us to fulfill.  Such was the case when my engagement ended last year. As certain situations caused me frustration in the aftermath of the breakup, as well as clarity in how I am as a person and who he was as a person,  I have become a thankful woman to God that I did not marry the man I had chosen for myself. In the process, the Lord has shown me the type of person I would best complement and what I needed in a husband myself. God has graciously brought that sort of man in Scott. My brokenness brought submission, and willingness to listen. I learned so many lessons, and I doubt if I could have learned them any other way. The experience was painful, but God knew what He was doing.

I am eternally grateful.

That thankfulness was deepened today when I received an international call from my friend Phil. God has taught me  remarkable lessons that I have often prayed my former fiance would have learned himself. The phone call I received confirmed the opposite. My fiance ended our engagement on the advice of his family. I was never told what the advice was, except I wasn’t the problem and it didn’t concern me. (Never mind the fact I moved across the country on this man’s request, right? Oh yeah, there is also the simple fact I was the other party entering this marriage and doubts were never expressed to me, and it was my future that was being affected as well…) With those words, he packed up his car and moved back in with the parents. While he was there, he met a spry but troubled young woman who he quickly made friends with. Almost as quickly this friendship took on a romantic nature. That romantic nature didn’t last long. He continued to try to help the young woman in her troubled state. After a terse conversation with his family, the young woman expressed no desire to lead a Christian lifestyle though she professed to be one. The advice of his family was to abandon or back off of the relationship.

Last week, that was his intent.

This week, he eloped.

On his facebook page, my former fiance expressed that, yes, it was impulsive, but he thinks this will actually work!

I guess I don’t understand how a person can go from unconditionally accepting your parents advice in your love life to doing the exact opposite.

At the same time, I can’t say I am suprised. All during our relationship, he tried to be an adult. He tried to be stable. In a sense to those around us, it appeared I was trying to make him better. Trying to fix him.

I failed miserably.

I hope that isn’t what he is not trying to do now. Because he will fail miserably.

I don’t want to see him fail miserably. I want to see his new marriage flourish. I have to admit, I wondered what it would take for him to learn the lessons God intended for him to learn. There seems to be this funny trend of me saying that and then a dramatic change occurring in the person’s life I made the statement about. Recently, it has been four times. Seems fishy, doesn’t it?

Staring in the water like Aesops foolish dog
I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I couldn’t help but look back on all of this. I gave up so much for him. I thought I lost it all. But really, God has blessed me richly. Upon that reflection, I realized that had I married him, I would have been submuissive to that impulsive nature. It would have been a millstone for the rest of my life.

Broken and grateful? Yes, indeed.

Also? Very much in love.  Scott, if only you knew how grateful I am to continually find God has brought me exactly what I asked for…

Nerdy is the New Awesome

IIt is a well-established fact that I am a nerd. I know my friend Christopher has been disputing this fact for years. Since I eschew wearing glasses in favor of contacts, he has decided that instead I have some nerd-like tendencies, primarily my interest in theology. But am I full on nerd? Christopher, I have the thing that is going to put me up over the top.

I am going to a Renaissance Faire.  And I am dressing up.

Yes, my friends, love will make you do crazy things. In September, I am going to Minneapolis to attend the Shakopee Ren Faire with my darling Scott. He goes to this particular faire every year with college friends. Even though the world might find Scott nuts for wearing a kilt in public, a Ren Faire is the one place in the world where I would look truly out of place not in costume next to a guy in a kilt. Since he will be going kilted, I wasn’t going to be outdone and uncostumed.  So, I have been on the hunt for the Ren Faire costume that simply screamed, “Emily!” Know what folks? I found it. Say hello to my sixteenth-century chic.

 

If you like my choice, you can find it or other awesome costumes here.

So, there you are folks.  Tudor Emily. RenEm. Because I? Will make nerdiness stylish. You all wish you could be awesome-nerdy like me.

Sometimes….

…you just need to act like a kid again.

A few warm Saturdays ago, Jessica and I had that very same idea. It was a hot night and we were both stir crazy. Jessica’s husband was occupied, so we decided to have a little girl fun. After tossing around a couple of ideas, we finally ended up at Sugarhouse Park.

Our first stop? The swings, of course.

After somefree-spirited leg pumping, we found the stream and had a seat.

As we watched children running around carefree on a summer’s day, we both tried to let go and be children again. Somehow, discussing heavy topics such as what it means to be a good wife and mother, as well as the definition of love are not condusive to bringing about feelings of wide-eyed innocence. Either way, it’s nice to have a friend to pour your heart out to in a quiet spot in an otheriwse bustling Salt Lake City park.

Oquirrh Mountain Temple

Note: This is not meant to be an apologetic for evangelical Christian faith nor as some people like to call it, “Mormon bashing.” My goal here is to simply provide my impressions of touring an LDS temple. Please don’t comment if you want to start a debate.

Several weeks ago, I was made an offer from my boss that I couldn’t refuse: a chance to tour the newest temple before it was dedicated. I was a little reticent, since my boss has been very proactive with engaging me in doctrinal discussions about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Mainstream Christians and LDS Church members have very different beliefs, and my discussions with this co-worker have always been interesting and challenging, yet I have always made it clear I have no intention of becoming a member of the LDS Church.  No matter how well you get along with someone who is a memeber of a different religious belief, ultimately my supervisor and I have to agree we just don’t agree. I was more concerned over a tag-team proseltyzing with his wife outside of work and was unsure of how to deal with this in a polite way. On the other hand, he was making a very kind offer (tour tickets are hard to get) and my curiousity was killing me.  I decided to ask a friend to come along as a neutral party. Jessica is LDS and agreed to come along so I would not be as intimidated.

We toured the temple in hushed tones, with my co-worker and his wife explaining small things as we went. The tour through the temple was not guided. Volunteers directed people through each room. The structure of this temple is more stacked but not very deep. The best way I can think of to explain its interior is that reminded me of the quality of a very, very beautiful palatial estate. I was not allowed to to photograph the inside of the temple, but you can find photos of the temple I toured here as well as an excellent explanation of each room. The beauty and quality of each room was remarkable, the craftsmanship intricate, and not a detail was missing. In summary? It was very impressive.

After the tour, we attended a reception with my supervisor and his wife, and enjoyed learning a bit of their pasts, and as well as Jessica’s. I was asked if I had any more questions about what I saw. I told them I really enjoyed the tour and was glad for their explanations. However, the things I am really the most curious about are the things they are unable to tell me since they are viewed as sacred. I was honest and expressed this, and they understood. The tour satisifed part of my curiousity, but not all.

Anyway, here are some pictures from my little adventure:

Oquirrh Mountain Temple at night. Please forgive the angle.

So this blog concludes my July adventures (19 days late, oy!) Next up will be my park adventure with Jess.

What I Have Been Up To

I have been pretty scarce since July, haven’t I? I have had plenty of time to blog, but have taken little time to do it. Honestly? Until last week, I have not been up to much. In fact, I was a house-sitting hermit a couple of weeks ago. Just ask my friends… I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted a break. You know what I mean, right? A short vacation from hearing about friend’s trials and heartaches. That feeling is over now, and I am back to normal. So what have I been up to?

In the last few weeks, I have had the chance to

• Tour a new LDS temple before its dedication
• House sit for Chuck and Irene
• Make another trip to the Midwest
• Go to the Iowa State Fair with my mom and friend Jen
• See Avan
• See Jenni and her baby belly
• Visit Scott in Sioux Falls
• Witness a baptism in a swimming pool
• Meet Scott’s family for the first time….

Now that I am here again, I will write about all that I have stated above. I will veen try to not extend it for a month. Promise. I will start this evening. Until then, what have you been up to?