Parenting Pains

I’m a mother.

Sometimes the thought just staggers me. I am somebody’s mother. Of course, my somebody isn’t just A Somebody, but my delightfully chunky, squirmy, observant, and cuddly son Alexander. The adjustment to being a mother was a bit hard at first… one day, you are able to do as you please, whenever you please, and how you please… to a little person crying and needing 110% of your attention.

I won’t lie, that transition was very hard and at times, incredibly frustrating. Example: I am nursing my son. During the first two months of life, a baby goes through three growth spurts (or maybe four, can’t remember.) Generally, a breastfed (yes, I SAID THE B WORD ON MY BLOG!) baby feeds every 2-3 hours. My kiddo does that, but cluster feeds in the evening and sleeps 4-5 hours in a stretch at night. Well, during a growth spurt, the demand is much higher. Basically, I went from feeding Alex every couple of hours to around the clock, from the time he woke up at 7 am to him finally succumbing to sleep at 11 pm. During his growth spurt, I literally spent days sitting on my sofa with the baby attached to me. It is frustrating, and not to mention painful… I should have another spurt coming in the next several weeks.

Yay.

Continuing on, I am pretty sure my kiddo is allergic to dairy. Yes, my kid has been spitting up frequently. No, he hasn’t been spitting his entire life. Yes, I am aware he might not be allergic to dairy, the spitting could be something else, but I have plenty of other compelling reasons to suspect dairy is an issue. I won’t go into details here, cause you know, TMI. I will say this: I miss cheese.

Becoming a mama creates a new kind of insecurity in you as well. As a first time mother, I have come to second or even third guess my decisions. Everyone has parenting advice, and most of it is conflicting. I do plan to use Scripture as my parenting model, but the Bible doesn’t address things like baby care. I have become well acquainted with Alex’s grunts, cries, and coos, but I have learned how much I depend on verbal communication now that I am caring for an infant 24/7.  Is he uncomfortable? Is he sick? Is it something I ate? Is he sleeping well? I feel as if I have developed almost a neurosis am just waiting for the next Scary Thing to come down the pike.

Yes, I know everything will be fine. I am aware I need to relax. I’ve decided to quit listening to the Outside Voices unless I ask for help. I have discovered my instinct CAN be trusted… but I am a very analytical person. I will continue to overthink. That’s how I roll.

Raising this baby is not without its perks. I never knew what attachment felt like until I had my son smile up at me from his crib. I never had my heart melt until after my son sighed contentedly and snuggled against me for a nap.  I never knew what is was like to sacrifice for the good of another. I could say I am sacrificial toward Scott, but he is easy to please. Becoming a mother has shown me I have an indulgent husband and I am a spoiled little brat.

Motherhood is sanctifying.

Motherhood is transforming me. I am still Emily. I still love a good debate, drinking too much coffee, laughing, and theology. I am still enamored  by Scott. However, another little smile has captured my heart. My sweet little Alexander.

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