A Letter To BYU Football

Dear Max Hall,

Your ending comments after this year’s BYU-Utah game are what make this rivalry so much deeper than just an in-state rivalry.

Your comments reveal to me exactly why I dislike the spirit of BYU sports.  In fact, your ending comments put my dislike for BYU sports to a level of dislike on par with how much I dislike Michigan. And Mr. Hall, that is a lot of dislike.

Before I go, Mr. Hall, I did want to mention that this football game doesn’t necessarily establish who has earned God’s favor. I don’t think God is a football fan. But if He is, I like to think He likes the Iowa Hawkeyes.  Maybe you should take a page out of Kurt Warner’s book and graciously give glory to God, in wins and losses.

Oh yeah, I will leave you with one more thought…  who is going to a BCS bowl this year? By the way, it’s not your team.

GO HAWKEYES!!!

All Saints Day

Happy All Saints Day, world.

This holiday is virtually unknown to people. Because of this particular Roman Catholic mass, the holiday we all know as Halloween exists.

On Saturday, I took the bus with to go see my friends Peter and Leslie. On that bus I was with Elvis, The Cheshire Cat, and a Rastafarian. I also ran into a guy who had danced in a musical with Patrick Swayze, but he wasn’t in costume. Seriously though people, he was crazy enough that he should have been. So lets just say…. Halloween brings on a very colorful public transportation experience.

To be honest… I am not a huge fan of Halloween. Instead, I choose to celebrate Reformation Day. This was the day that brought forth the Protestant Reformation in Germany that eventually spread to the rest of Europe. Luther nailed his 95 Theses, a list of grievances against the Roman Catholic Church, that brought forth sweeping reform in Europe. The Bible was translated into common vernacular. The way man understood the Bible changed. With the Word of God in their own hands, people no longer relied on clergy to tell them what Scripture meant. They understood that Christ was their true Great High Priest, and they needed none other to go between them and God. Because of this Reformation, people began to embrace these five principles: Sola Fide, Sola Gratia, Solus Christus,  Sola Scriptura, and Sola Deo Gloria.

People were freed from the bondage of legalism, sin and death by faith in Christ.

You can read Luther’s 95 Theses here and the cry of the Reformers, the Five Solas, here.

Seminary Starts

I guess my last post was a false alarm…. I received an e-mail from my pastor advising me the whole matter was a joke.

Heh, some joke.

Anyway, enough of all of that. Today my darling Scott will begin his first regular seminary courses. I am really excited and proud of him. I have confidence he will walk out of his Master’s degree a smarter, stronger, and sharper Christian.

Also, this whole time thing? We will have to work harder.

Scott and I seem to get along so well because we value the same things in a relationship: communication, loyalty, transparency, time investment. For me, I go beyond thriving on it;  I must admit I covet my partner’s time and attention.

Since we starred our “more than  friends” season of our relationship at the beginning of his summer, Scott and I have had lots of unbudgeted time to devote to one another. With it, we were able to get to know one another and grow closer than some people might be able to in our situation. After a small scheduling issue Saturday, Scott and I realized that our quality time was going to be much less spontaneous and more calculated, more structured. My heart felt a dull ache. I have had to do this before, I share my guy with homework. I KNOW Scott doesn’t want to leave me behind in the dust, but there goes that oh-so-familiar fear of wondering if I am going simply have the leftovers of the time. Once Scott and I were off the phone, I realeased my rush of emotion and shed a few tears. I couldn’t help but wonder when I wasn’t going to need to share Scott.

After my tears were shed, I realized a few things. When Scott is in Seminary, he has homework to do. I want to support him in this process, and it would require some sacrifices. That I understood and really, I desire to do so. As I looked at the road ahead, should the Lord deign we stay together, someday Scott will be in pastoral ministry. At that time, I will be sharing Scott with his congregation. As much as I enjoy the work of the ministry, I don’t want to be married to an absent husband. There is nothing in the world that indicates to me this will be a problem, but I wondered if I would have the “not wanting to share” struggle in the future.

Then it hit me. I am sharing Scott now.

Why, of course. I will always be sharing Scott, for he belongs to the Lord.

Was I willing to share Scott with God? Rather, was I able to accept God’s gift of Scott on God’s terms?

My desire for Scott’s time and attention is  not bad… but it can cross the line of covetousness rather easily. Also, he is not completely mine. So in reflection, Seminary is not going to be just a refining process for Scott… it will be one for me as well. The Christian walk demands conformity to Christ. We don’t have to have His personality or His physical appearance, but the indwelling Holy Spirit  molds us after His character. This process, called sanctification, requires that we figurately put tendencies and desires not after the image of Christ to be put to death.

This too must be cruficied, for not only does Scott belong to the Lord Jesus; so do I.

So hopefully, this Seminary career will teach me not only how to love and desire Scott after the character and example of Christ, but how to love God after the character and example of Christ.

Distance

Dude, long distance relationships are hard.

The more I am away from Scott, the more I miss his presence in my daily life.

I think we all know the old clichequote that, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” In my case, it leans more to “Absence makes the heart grow fearful.”

Scott and I are close. We built this new love affair on a solid friendship and mutual respect and appreciation for one another. We could see the other for who they really were. We found it appealing, even beautiful. After prayer, consideration, and conversations, we decided to dive in. And we have delighted in it. We have been happy. My friends and family are not cautioning me about going into another cross-country love affair because they have not seen me smile this much in so long.

But no matter how much you adore and invest in this person, there is still the gap. At the end of the day, when you feel like you should be spending “time” with your significant other, and all you have is a telephone… it just doesn’t cut the mustard. All you can do is talk. And eventually, when you don’t share a life, you run out of things to say. The ooey gooey phase of new love is over, and the hard part of romance begins.

I hate to admit, as much as Scott pursues me from where he is, it is still hard to have that real intimacy with someone so far away. I had that problem before…. and I moved to Utah. Move to him, problem solved! Or so I thought. What I found instead was a man who didn’t desire intimacy, but rather, hid from himself and hid himself from the world. Scott isn’t like this AT ALL, but that old disconnect of being so gosh-darned far away that I can’t fully relate is coming back. And yet, some of my best friendships are carried on from areas not so far away!

So what is the problem?

The problem is communication. What do people choose to discuss? Yes, it is wonderful that you want to share every detail of your life with someone so far away… but then you’re life gets to just be the same daily, dull repetitive cycle. You fall into a habit of just discussing life.  Soon you have nothing left to discuss. Then what? What happens when you are finally together? Are you so used to functioning independently that you won’t know how to merge as one flesh? I am not m0ving again until there is a ring. We agreed on that. I have confidence in this man. So why am I so insecure right now?

I am rambling so much. All this to say I miss Scott. I am feeling so lonely.It’s not wrong to want me to feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to Scott. In fact, that seems healthy and desired. I don’t date simply for the fun of it. I allow myself to be pursued by men I think might be worthy of winning my heart. Scott is DEFNIELY succeeding, don’t get me wrong!! But I think my apprehension is a little misplaced. God is there wherever I am, at all times. I should be craving and seeking His intimacy first. He knows the anxieties I have, and sovereignly guides my steps. He sanctifies me according to His will, and is my teacher.

My dear Scott, may we be taught by Him for His glory. Lets find something new to discuss besides everyday life… and remind me to seek the fellowship with God first, as it makes our time together more beautiful.

Anyone have any ideas on how to combat the “I’ve run out of things to say” cycle in a long-distance relationship? How can we pursue uplifting, purposeful communication? This isn’t a huge problem with us yet. It is a small issue, but I don’t want it to take root. Better to weed it out while you still can before the briers take over the entire field.

Vacation Blogging Interruption Brought To You By Angela

Upon arriving home from work yesterday afternoon, I found Angela on my Itteh Bitteh Lenovo (aka LENNY). Did she ask me if she could use it? (Oh come on now, you must know the answer to this question, right?) She glanced up, saw me, and hurried off it, apologizing profusely. “I needed to check my e-mail. I had 177 e-mails,” she explained.

I was perplexed. Why so many? Should I even ask? Probably not. But curiousity killed the blonde, so I did.

“Oh, it was reponses from guys on Plenty Of Fish (a dating website, FYI) she responded airily. “I needed to respond to some. Not many of them were cute.”

I should have stopped, but I can’t seem to. Talking to this woman is like watching a trainwreck. You know you should look away, but you can’t. So down the track our conversation went. “Why do you need Plenty of Fish when you and Angel are back together?”

“Oh, he needs his space,” Angela replied. I can’t help but wonder… why does a guy who sees his girlfriend once every two weeks need more space? Wow…

Eventually, Angela’s verbal diarrhea lapsed into work. She told me her new job had a call center in Colorado Springs, and she might try to transfer there in six months, if she is eligble. This would only be two hours from her daughter. Angela said she misses her daughter and wants to be closer. That’s all well and good, but didn’t she just say two months ago that she can barely handle her? A child is not a toy you can toss aside when you get bored. Angela has even already told her daughter she might try to move to Colorado. Way to get you daughter’s hopes up and crush them when you don’t follow through.

Angela also discussed starting technical school again in September. A few days ago, she was considering re-taking driving school then. For a thirty six year old woman, she can’t seem to find a direction or make up her mind. If she moves to Colorado, I will celebrate because I will be rid of her, but she never sticks to a plan or really makes up her mind. She is an unstable person, blown about with every wind.

It makes me thankful that I havr the Solid Rock to stabilize me. Cause really, were it not for Christ, I probably wouldn’t be much different. I am prone to being fickle, impatient, emotional, and impulsive. Christ not only provided my salvation, but my foundation and stability. When life around me is unpredictable, God is unchanging.

In the end, annoyance should instead provoke me to prayer. Please pray for Angela too.

Maranatha’s Ministry

Today is the last night the Maranatha Baptist Church’s youth group is in town. I hope to say goodbye after this and then its off to get Kristin at the airport for our fun-filled weekend. (Utah? You have been warned. The Lucys are here.)

I could tell you all kinds of rambly stories of the fun we had together. It could take forever to document in words all the songs sung, the stories told, the lessons learned, the memories made. Instead, I will show you.

They sang.

They worked.

They taught.

Two childen came to a saving faith in Christ.

They toured and learned.

These kids came here wanting to change lives. What they found was that they were changed by God. This trip was as much for them as it was for us. They walked away with a deeper understanding of how God works in the hearts of man. I was reminded of zeal for evangelism and ministry. Also, it reminded me of why I miss home so much. These kids were friendly, warmhearted, and ready to work. How deeply our society lacks those things!

Maranatha kida, you will be missed!

Next, though, look out for less serious posts. With Kristin coming to town, excessive silliness isahead! Watch out Utah…. the Lucys are being reunited!

Utah Ministry

I have had some people ask what I do out here in Utah for church. I tell them I attend a small, independent Baptist church. I am then asked if I am involved in ministry. I teach Children’s Church on a rotating basis, and I attend the nursing home ministry.

I have people ask me how large the congregation is, and they are in shock when I tell them it is small. My church runs 20-30 people regularly, tops. Indeed, we are a small congregation, but Jordan Valley Baptist Church is filled with lots of love.

I also try to explain to people outside of Utah we don’t have a regular building. What, you don’t have your own building? But how do you meet? Well, I just bought a new camera on Saturday (FINALLY!!) and decided to test it out. Here are some photos of what ministry looks like at Jordan Valley Baptist Church on a Sunday morning.

Right now, my church is meeting in a Seventh Day Adventist School. We  set up for the main services in the school gym.

Here is a view of how the gym looks from the front. The children’s Sunday school classes are set up in the back.

Here we have a view of the set-up for the adult Sunday school class.

And then during the main service, if it is my turn to teach Children’s church, then I take them back into this room and present my lesson. Here are some shots of my kids:

My kids are not usually so somber.

Now THIS is how they really are!

That's what I get for calling them monkeys

I had to get in on the act too.

So, there you have it, a small glimpse of a church plant in Utah. I have had people ask me how it is to be in a small church and if I miss a larger group… and yeah, sometimes I miss having a stable meeting place. But being in a church plant forces you to think outside of the box when it comes to ministry, and (gasp) sometimes you have to go against tradition. I think it has helped me grow, and understand that ministry is less about methods and truly about the glory of God. We get so caught up in our preconceived notions of what a church should look like- its structure, how over/underogranized it is, the types of ministries used, who runs them- that we lose sight of the purpose of the church: to worship God, bring Christians into a maturity of faith, and make disciples.

Prayer Works

Please pray for my best friend Jenni’s dad. He was attending an eye appointment in Des Moines today, and he had a massive heart attack. He was rushed into emergency surgery at Iowa Methodist hospital, a short distance from the mall in which he had collapsed. One of his arteries was 100% blocked. After surgery, Rankins were told her dad would be released in three days. He has been given a slew of lifestyle changes, but it is completely of the sovereignty of God that he is live. We can be thankful for these things:

-His mother Elinor was with him, and was able to advise the receptionist of how to contact Jen’s mom. Elinor did not have Mrs. Rankin’s work number, but she was able to tell the receptionist her daughter-in-law had been there before for an appointment. After a name search, they discovered Mrs. Rankin;s work number and the receptionist made the call.

-Mr. Rankin was not alone and he was already in Des Moines. Had he been back on his farm in Panora, he would have died. Jenni’s family lives in the middle of nowhere, It would have been an hour before he could have been transported to a hospital. Otherwise…. he would be dead.

I received this text from Jenni, and I think her words are best spoken for themselves:

Dad had one main artery that was 100% blocked. They put in a stint in him and gave him blood thinners. He’s goin to be ok. Had he been alone when it happened he wouldnt be here.

What a startling fact. Had he been alone…. wow.

Just last night, I was re-reading this blog and this blog about Jen’s family. One made me laugh but the other made me concerned. Jen’s grandma Elinor has not been doing well, and she previously had no concern for God at all, and Jen’s dad is the same way. I felt burdened to pray for them. When I got ahold of Jen right after her message about her dad’s heart attack, I told her this. Today, when the family was waiting at the hospital, Elinor agreed to talk with a chaplain. In the past, she probably would have cussed and run the clergy off.

Maybe God is using this to soften their hearts to Himself.  Either way, please keep praying for them. Shortly after I heard the news from Jen, I called and texted friends all over the place, asking for prayer for her dad. In turn, my friends passed on the prayer request. In fact, I had a friend’s friend ask for an update on how Mr. Rankin was doing. I told Jen that people all over the country were praying for her family, and she was choked up. Despite all the pain and sadness Jenni has endured, I have never heard her cry. I think that the thought that strangers cared for her and her family meant alot.

Really, though, there are no strangers when you are adopted through Christ.

So let this be your lesson: Prayer doesn’t always get the results we want, but it does so much more. It pulls us to the heart of God. It pulls us closer to our loved ones, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Prayer truly binds us together, because intercessory prayer is an act of sacrificial love.

 

-

Bittersweet Sunday

Nancy Johnson was back at church today. She was looking wonderful, and was in good spirits. I was so happy to see her! She is not 100% but seems to be recovering well. She is being careful about what she has been eating and trying to give herself extra nutrition. Whatever it is, it appears to be healing and we are overjoyed she is on the mend.
Today was also the last day with Zoe and Sandy at be with us over at Jordan Valley Baptist Church. Sandy is a missionary with Children’s Evangelism Fellowship, and she and her daughter Zoe are re-locationg to Orlando to be closer to her family while Sandy raises more support for her ministry. She feels led by God to be a director for a local chapter of CEF. Check her out here. I am going to miss Zoe, she teases me far more than your average six year old. Also, I am going to miss those huge, doeful eyes of hers.

 

Seriously, how could you not miss those eyes?

 I will also miss Sandy and my occasional McDonald’s run with her. If you recall, I was out with Sandy when I had this gentleman ask me out. Feel free to check out her ministry here.

June is going to be a busy month here. Maranatha Baptist Church in Grimes, IA will be coming out here to help with a Vacation Bible School at Jordan Valley. The last weekend, my LutheranMe Kristin will be around to visit me for four whole days. And then…. it’s off to Iowa in July! I am so excited to see my friends and family!  So until the end of the month I am just going to try to relax and finish strong on my Blog-A-Day-In-May. It has been a challenge, but I hope you have enjoyed some of the introspective and Christian posts I have made. I don’t want to turn this into a straight theology blog, but I am going to warn you now: more God stuff is going to be added to the  mix. I have chronicled some of my struggles from last winter. I severed some friendships and have restored some of my clarity back. I feel like myself again, and now I want to focus on the most important element of my life: God. So that means less snarking and more Spirit. There is also going to be less complaining about boys, since I am on another current project. That is a secret mission for now, so I will leave it there and let you all speculate.

I promise, though, I will snark sometimes. Its part of my charm.

Tide

You all know that I used to write poetry. Unsure of what I wanted to blog today, I dug into my old poetry trove and found this work. It was written during a time when several small struggles turned into large ones. The situations helped breed discontentment. One of thing I struggled with the most was  if I was supposed to be at my alma mater, Faith Baptist Bible College. Looking back on this work that is nearly five years old, I can’t help but grin sheepishly at how similar my thoughts are now when I am struggling. So I will start with the poem, then I will quote the blog I wrote to accompany this poem on November 15, 2004.

Tide- Written November 10, 2004

My faith is slipping through my fingers
Falling into the tidalwave of blackened water
Carreening straight toward me
I am engulfed
Overwhelmed
I am sinking, sinking in
Sinking in the depths
Sinking in the depths of myself
A shamble of stress eaten caverns
Being flooded with a sea of doubt
The wounds from fear
My inadequecies are waves
Crashing over my head
As I am engulfed
I see a face….
It’s my face….
I see nothing more than one who struggles endlessly
Needlessly, because of her failures
Glaring me in the eye
Like a mirror with its dark image
Pointing it’s finger…
“See what you have done to yourself.”
I cry out to God
For a solace from this stuggle
That I may swim in this murky tide of struggle
Or sink, sink to the depths
Where is the rock of my faith
That I so often stayed firmly planted on
Why do I not seek the grace of Him
Who pulled me from my sea of sin
Why do I not seek the mercy
From Him who calms the storms?
Why do I not search out the beacon
Who called me to His light?
Why, oh why…
Do I think I am on my own
That’s it’s all up to me…
Whether I sink or swim?

And here is the Xanga blog I wrote November 15, 2004 to accompany the poem. It is all in italics and blue.

There has been something going on lately in my spiritual life I cannot seem to shake. It has been a distrust, a lack of reliance, a bitterness, an impatience toward my God. I don’t know why I am this way. I certainly know better.

Psalm 144  Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.

O LORD , what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him? 

 Man is like a breath;
his days are like a fleeting shadow.

 

This was the psalm of my devotions last night. Where is my trust? Where is my praise? I should be thankful the Lord of the universe even has dealinngs with me!

James 1:2-6: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

I am the man who is doubting. I am being tossed about like the wind. I am going through a trial. Where is my joy?

I always want to be alone now. I just want to hide. I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it. It just makes things worse. And when I do talk about it, one opens their mouth and speaks, trying to give advice. Jen has been doing this in particular. I don’t want advice. I know what I need to do. I need to trust God more. I need to pray more, I need to stand on grace!  But where is that grace? Where is my place of rest? I so badly want rest!

Here’s an outline of my trials:

1. I have been without a job this semester. My bills are piling up.
2. I was dropped from my mother’s health insurance because she is not helping me pay for school.
3. I am at the end of the semester, worn out from classes.
4. One of my roommates is driving me nuts. She has been clingy and bossy all at once. She is begging for attention and trying to mother me all at once. She knows better than that, too. We have been friends since I first came to college.
5. I miss my friends from home. I feel as if I should be there for them and upholding them in their struggles.
6. I was denied for a school loan.

                      Please pray…. pray for any one of those. There is some light at the end of the tunnel:

-Only a month until the end of the semester
- I will be home this coming weekend and Thanksgiving is in a week and a half. I will be alone on Thanksgiving because my mom is going to a friend’s house that I have never felt comfortable being with. I was there last Christmas and was miserable. My family Thanksgiving is Saturday. But that will provide some respite from Faith life until two weeks later and my semester will be done.
-I have a job interview next Monday. I hope they would let me start in January.

      Thanks for reading the ramble… and thanks in advanced for prayers.

                           Em 

I look at this post and see some things that encourage me. I am more likely to deal with small problems more quickly. In the past I would procrastinate enough before dealing with a problem that I would be overwhelmed by stress and worry in the proces. Now, if I deal with things faster, well, I have much less stress.  How people approach me and talk to me no longer bothers me as much. I have learned how to accept advice with more grace, and to know who to seek out when I just need someone to listen to me. Moreover, I have become more likely to discuss small trials with the Lord. He has shown me He is trustworthy in the big things, and perhaps as I age, I will continue to understand He takes care of the small things as well.

So what I would like to know, do any of you have any issues in your life that you struggle keeping in God’s hands? Or do you have a problem you find yourself repeating over and over? Talk to me! Let’s compare notes.