All Saints Day

Happy All Saints Day, world.

This holiday is virtually unknown to people. Because of this particular Roman Catholic mass, the holiday we all know as Halloween exists.

On Saturday, I took the bus with to go see my friends Peter and Leslie. On that bus I was with Elvis, The Cheshire Cat, and a Rastafarian. I also ran into a guy who had danced in a musical with Patrick Swayze, but he wasn’t in costume. Seriously though people, he was crazy enough that he should have been. So lets just say…. Halloween brings on a very colorful public transportation experience.

To be honest… I am not a huge fan of Halloween. Instead, I choose to celebrate Reformation Day. This was the day that brought forth the Protestant Reformation in Germany that eventually spread to the rest of Europe. Luther nailed his 95 Theses, a list of grievances against the Roman Catholic Church, that brought forth sweeping reform in Europe. The Bible was translated into common vernacular. The way man understood the Bible changed. With the Word of God in their own hands, people no longer relied on clergy to tell them what Scripture meant. They understood that Christ was their true Great High Priest, and they needed none other to go between them and God. Because of this Reformation, people began to embrace these five principles: Sola Fide, Sola Gratia, Solus Christus,  Sola Scriptura, and Sola Deo Gloria.

People were freed from the bondage of legalism, sin and death by faith in Christ.

You can read Luther’s 95 Theses here and the cry of the Reformers, the Five Solas, here.

Distance

Dude, long distance relationships are hard.

The more I am away from Scott, the more I miss his presence in my daily life.

I think we all know the old clichequote that, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” In my case, it leans more to “Absence makes the heart grow fearful.”

Scott and I are close. We built this new love affair on a solid friendship and mutual respect and appreciation for one another. We could see the other for who they really were. We found it appealing, even beautiful. After prayer, consideration, and conversations, we decided to dive in. And we have delighted in it. We have been happy. My friends and family are not cautioning me about going into another cross-country love affair because they have not seen me smile this much in so long.

But no matter how much you adore and invest in this person, there is still the gap. At the end of the day, when you feel like you should be spending “time” with your significant other, and all you have is a telephone… it just doesn’t cut the mustard. All you can do is talk. And eventually, when you don’t share a life, you run out of things to say. The ooey gooey phase of new love is over, and the hard part of romance begins.

I hate to admit, as much as Scott pursues me from where he is, it is still hard to have that real intimacy with someone so far away. I had that problem before…. and I moved to Utah. Move to him, problem solved! Or so I thought. What I found instead was a man who didn’t desire intimacy, but rather, hid from himself and hid himself from the world. Scott isn’t like this AT ALL, but that old disconnect of being so gosh-darned far away that I can’t fully relate is coming back. And yet, some of my best friendships are carried on from areas not so far away!

So what is the problem?

The problem is communication. What do people choose to discuss? Yes, it is wonderful that you want to share every detail of your life with someone so far away… but then you’re life gets to just be the same daily, dull repetitive cycle. You fall into a habit of just discussing life.  Soon you have nothing left to discuss. Then what? What happens when you are finally together? Are you so used to functioning independently that you won’t know how to merge as one flesh? I am not m0ving again until there is a ring. We agreed on that. I have confidence in this man. So why am I so insecure right now?

I am rambling so much. All this to say I miss Scott. I am feeling so lonely.It’s not wrong to want me to feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to Scott. In fact, that seems healthy and desired. I don’t date simply for the fun of it. I allow myself to be pursued by men I think might be worthy of winning my heart. Scott is DEFNIELY succeeding, don’t get me wrong!! But I think my apprehension is a little misplaced. God is there wherever I am, at all times. I should be craving and seeking His intimacy first. He knows the anxieties I have, and sovereignly guides my steps. He sanctifies me according to His will, and is my teacher.

My dear Scott, may we be taught by Him for His glory. Lets find something new to discuss besides everyday life… and remind me to seek the fellowship with God first, as it makes our time together more beautiful.

Anyone have any ideas on how to combat the “I’ve run out of things to say” cycle in a long-distance relationship? How can we pursue uplifting, purposeful communication? This isn’t a huge problem with us yet. It is a small issue, but I don’t want it to take root. Better to weed it out while you still can before the briers take over the entire field.

Vacation Blogging Interruption Brought To You By Angela

Upon arriving home from work yesterday afternoon, I found Angela on my Itteh Bitteh Lenovo (aka LENNY). Did she ask me if she could use it? (Oh come on now, you must know the answer to this question, right?) She glanced up, saw me, and hurried off it, apologizing profusely. “I needed to check my e-mail. I had 177 e-mails,” she explained.

I was perplexed. Why so many? Should I even ask? Probably not. But curiousity killed the blonde, so I did.

“Oh, it was reponses from guys on Plenty Of Fish (a dating website, FYI) she responded airily. “I needed to respond to some. Not many of them were cute.”

I should have stopped, but I can’t seem to. Talking to this woman is like watching a trainwreck. You know you should look away, but you can’t. So down the track our conversation went. “Why do you need Plenty of Fish when you and Angel are back together?”

“Oh, he needs his space,” Angela replied. I can’t help but wonder… why does a guy who sees his girlfriend once every two weeks need more space? Wow…

Eventually, Angela’s verbal diarrhea lapsed into work. She told me her new job had a call center in Colorado Springs, and she might try to transfer there in six months, if she is eligble. This would only be two hours from her daughter. Angela said she misses her daughter and wants to be closer. That’s all well and good, but didn’t she just say two months ago that she can barely handle her? A child is not a toy you can toss aside when you get bored. Angela has even already told her daughter she might try to move to Colorado. Way to get you daughter’s hopes up and crush them when you don’t follow through.

Angela also discussed starting technical school again in September. A few days ago, she was considering re-taking driving school then. For a thirty six year old woman, she can’t seem to find a direction or make up her mind. If she moves to Colorado, I will celebrate because I will be rid of her, but she never sticks to a plan or really makes up her mind. She is an unstable person, blown about with every wind.

It makes me thankful that I havr the Solid Rock to stabilize me. Cause really, were it not for Christ, I probably wouldn’t be much different. I am prone to being fickle, impatient, emotional, and impulsive. Christ not only provided my salvation, but my foundation and stability. When life around me is unpredictable, God is unchanging.

In the end, annoyance should instead provoke me to prayer. Please pray for Angela too.

Maranatha’s Ministry

Today is the last night the Maranatha Baptist Church’s youth group is in town. I hope to say goodbye after this and then its off to get Kristin at the airport for our fun-filled weekend. (Utah? You have been warned. The Lucys are here.)

I could tell you all kinds of rambly stories of the fun we had together. It could take forever to document in words all the songs sung, the stories told, the lessons learned, the memories made. Instead, I will show you.

They sang.

They worked.

They taught.

Two childen came to a saving faith in Christ.

They toured and learned.

These kids came here wanting to change lives. What they found was that they were changed by God. This trip was as much for them as it was for us. They walked away with a deeper understanding of how God works in the hearts of man. I was reminded of zeal for evangelism and ministry. Also, it reminded me of why I miss home so much. These kids were friendly, warmhearted, and ready to work. How deeply our society lacks those things!

Maranatha kida, you will be missed!

Next, though, look out for less serious posts. With Kristin coming to town, excessive silliness isahead! Watch out Utah…. the Lucys are being reunited!

Utah Ministry

I have had some people ask what I do out here in Utah for church. I tell them I attend a small, independent Baptist church. I am then asked if I am involved in ministry. I teach Children’s Church on a rotating basis, and I attend the nursing home ministry.

I have people ask me how large the congregation is, and they are in shock when I tell them it is small. My church runs 20-30 people regularly, tops. Indeed, we are a small congregation, but Jordan Valley Baptist Church is filled with lots of love.

I also try to explain to people outside of Utah we don’t have a regular building. What, you don’t have your own building? But how do you meet? Well, I just bought a new camera on Saturday (FINALLY!!) and decided to test it out. Here are some photos of what ministry looks like at Jordan Valley Baptist Church on a Sunday morning.

Right now, my church is meeting in a Seventh Day Adventist School. We  set up for the main services in the school gym.

Here is a view of how the gym looks from the front. The children’s Sunday school classes are set up in the back.

Here we have a view of the set-up for the adult Sunday school class.

And then during the main service, if it is my turn to teach Children’s church, then I take them back into this room and present my lesson. Here are some shots of my kids:

My kids are not usually so somber.

Now THIS is how they really are!

That's what I get for calling them monkeys

I had to get in on the act too.

So, there you have it, a small glimpse of a church plant in Utah. I have had people ask me how it is to be in a small church and if I miss a larger group… and yeah, sometimes I miss having a stable meeting place. But being in a church plant forces you to think outside of the box when it comes to ministry, and (gasp) sometimes you have to go against tradition. I think it has helped me grow, and understand that ministry is less about methods and truly about the glory of God. We get so caught up in our preconceived notions of what a church should look like- its structure, how over/underogranized it is, the types of ministries used, who runs them- that we lose sight of the purpose of the church: to worship God, bring Christians into a maturity of faith, and make disciples.

It’s Complicated

MyFacebook status is set as a complicated relationship with my dear friend and LutheranMe, Kristin. Its a joke of ours, cause we are very similar people with very different interests. She is a science teacher and loves the outdoors. I am more of a city girl and enjoy the humanities, She is 5′10″ tall, am I am 5′1″. I am a diehard Hawkeyes fan; they are her last resort team. Despite these superficial differences, Kristin and I have a very close friendship. We understand one another, and hold each other accountable spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I am so glad to have a wonderful friend like her to come alongside me and encourage me, especially when guys are jerks or I feel discouraged about things like work or my location.

Kristin and Emily, December 2008

Now, though, I don’t think our joke should survive. Kristin has done and found herself a man. From what I can tell, he seems to be a good man. If he is anything less, well…. I have ideas for retribution.

Vern, you have a good woman. She better not need to kiss Froggy. Also? She is all mine when she comes to Utah. Oh… and welcome to the family.

Still, my job isn’t over yet. And Kristin, with my current work in process, neither is yours. We still need each other. Maybe more than ever.

Tide

You all know that I used to write poetry. Unsure of what I wanted to blog today, I dug into my old poetry trove and found this work. It was written during a time when several small struggles turned into large ones. The situations helped breed discontentment. One of thing I struggled with the most was  if I was supposed to be at my alma mater, Faith Baptist Bible College. Looking back on this work that is nearly five years old, I can’t help but grin sheepishly at how similar my thoughts are now when I am struggling. So I will start with the poem, then I will quote the blog I wrote to accompany this poem on November 15, 2004.

Tide- Written November 10, 2004

My faith is slipping through my fingers
Falling into the tidalwave of blackened water
Carreening straight toward me
I am engulfed
Overwhelmed
I am sinking, sinking in
Sinking in the depths
Sinking in the depths of myself
A shamble of stress eaten caverns
Being flooded with a sea of doubt
The wounds from fear
My inadequecies are waves
Crashing over my head
As I am engulfed
I see a face….
It’s my face….
I see nothing more than one who struggles endlessly
Needlessly, because of her failures
Glaring me in the eye
Like a mirror with its dark image
Pointing it’s finger…
“See what you have done to yourself.”
I cry out to God
For a solace from this stuggle
That I may swim in this murky tide of struggle
Or sink, sink to the depths
Where is the rock of my faith
That I so often stayed firmly planted on
Why do I not seek the grace of Him
Who pulled me from my sea of sin
Why do I not seek the mercy
From Him who calms the storms?
Why do I not search out the beacon
Who called me to His light?
Why, oh why…
Do I think I am on my own
That’s it’s all up to me…
Whether I sink or swim?

And here is the Xanga blog I wrote November 15, 2004 to accompany the poem. It is all in italics and blue.

There has been something going on lately in my spiritual life I cannot seem to shake. It has been a distrust, a lack of reliance, a bitterness, an impatience toward my God. I don’t know why I am this way. I certainly know better.

Psalm 144  Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.

O LORD , what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him? 

 Man is like a breath;
his days are like a fleeting shadow.

 

This was the psalm of my devotions last night. Where is my trust? Where is my praise? I should be thankful the Lord of the universe even has dealinngs with me!

James 1:2-6: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

I am the man who is doubting. I am being tossed about like the wind. I am going through a trial. Where is my joy?

I always want to be alone now. I just want to hide. I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it. It just makes things worse. And when I do talk about it, one opens their mouth and speaks, trying to give advice. Jen has been doing this in particular. I don’t want advice. I know what I need to do. I need to trust God more. I need to pray more, I need to stand on grace!  But where is that grace? Where is my place of rest? I so badly want rest!

Here’s an outline of my trials:

1. I have been without a job this semester. My bills are piling up.
2. I was dropped from my mother’s health insurance because she is not helping me pay for school.
3. I am at the end of the semester, worn out from classes.
4. One of my roommates is driving me nuts. She has been clingy and bossy all at once. She is begging for attention and trying to mother me all at once. She knows better than that, too. We have been friends since I first came to college.
5. I miss my friends from home. I feel as if I should be there for them and upholding them in their struggles.
6. I was denied for a school loan.

                      Please pray…. pray for any one of those. There is some light at the end of the tunnel:

-Only a month until the end of the semester
- I will be home this coming weekend and Thanksgiving is in a week and a half. I will be alone on Thanksgiving because my mom is going to a friend’s house that I have never felt comfortable being with. I was there last Christmas and was miserable. My family Thanksgiving is Saturday. But that will provide some respite from Faith life until two weeks later and my semester will be done.
-I have a job interview next Monday. I hope they would let me start in January.

      Thanks for reading the ramble… and thanks in advanced for prayers.

                           Em 

I look at this post and see some things that encourage me. I am more likely to deal with small problems more quickly. In the past I would procrastinate enough before dealing with a problem that I would be overwhelmed by stress and worry in the proces. Now, if I deal with things faster, well, I have much less stress.  How people approach me and talk to me no longer bothers me as much. I have learned how to accept advice with more grace, and to know who to seek out when I just need someone to listen to me. Moreover, I have become more likely to discuss small trials with the Lord. He has shown me He is trustworthy in the big things, and perhaps as I age, I will continue to understand He takes care of the small things as well.

So what I would like to know, do any of you have any issues in your life that you struggle keeping in God’s hands? Or do you have a problem you find yourself repeating over and over? Talk to me! Let’s compare notes.

Nothing Between

Today I spent several e-mails discussing Christian concepts with a member of another religious view of my own, where the teaching of the priesthood is central in his view. The concept of the priesthood has been reverberating in my own Scripture reading as I just finished Numbers and am now in Deutereomy. I was challenged to think of my own views of priesthood. This song came to mind. I hope you enjoy, then read the Scripture passage below it that inspired this song.

Ok, so what exactly is a priest?

I am going to explain this in the simplest way possible. A priest is one who goes on your behalf before another. In the case of Israel in the time before Christ, it was a member of the tribe of Levi who would offer sacrifices before God to cover sin.It is my belief we no longer need this. Here, have a read of Hebrews 4:14-16:

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

And why was the sacrifice of Christ on the cross enough to atone for sin? Let’s look at Hebrews 10.

For the law, having a shadow of the good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with these same sacrifices, which they offer continually year by year, make those who approach perfect.  For then would they not have ceased to be offered? For the worshipers, once purified, would have had no more consciousness of sins. But in those sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and goats could take away sins. 

 Therefore, when He came into the world, He said:

        “Sacrifice and offering You did not desire,
        But a body You have prepared for Me. 
        In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin
        You had no pleasure. 
        Then I said, “Behold, I have come–
        In the volume of the book it is written of Me–
        To do Your will, O God.”‘

Previously saying, “Sacrifice and offering, burnt offerings, and offerings for sin You did not desire, nor had pleasure in them” (which are offered according to the law), then He said, “Behold, I have come to do Your will, O God.”  He takes away the first that He may establish the second. By that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.And every priest stands ministering daily and offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But this Man, after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.

Once for all. We don’t continually need to offer Christ as a sacrifice. We do not need a member of our family to be our go-between with God.

Need some more proof? Lets look at Hebrews 10: 19-23

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

I hope these Scriptures speak for themself. Not only is faith alone in Christ alone sufficient for my salvation, but it is all the priesthood I need. But seriously, why would I want a man to go forth on my behalf, when I have Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, to act as my Great High Priest? Christ alone, my friends. There is nothing between the Father and I, thanks to the sacrifice of Christ. Solus Christus!

Poem: Love’s Control

 

i will be working on a post based on a memorable customer from my collection years as well as a somewhat theological post regarding an area of my life God has been dealing with. For now, though, I wanted to post this poem. I was reflecting on relationships I have had, and how much my view of love has evolved over the years from experience. I wrote this poem before two prior relationships that really helped me cement my ideas more, but I am glad to see that this poem reflects a solid foundation of my views on biblical love. The practice of such words, though, is an area where I wll continually seek improvement.

This poem was based on the light-switch (on again, off again) love affair of my teen years. I am grateful to this person for doing things for my life that were positive (bringing me to church) but at the same time, I think we were more of a crippling experience for one another than an uplifting experience. I hope we have both taken the tumultuous time we had together and learned what God needed us to know.  He is married now, and I wish him the best.

Love’s Control (Written 7-1-2004)

Stolen kisses and whispers of love
Heated arguments and biting words
Reopening healing wounds
Tearing more
And pouring on the salt
To make them burn
Racing back to one another’s arms
Clinging to the hope
That to the other we were “the one”
Then the salve of puppy love
To make wounds scab over
Fall off
The process began again
And again
It wasn’t love
It was control
Not for you
But for me
For us both
Wanting so badly
To make it work
But it couldn’t
It’s not love
When you seek your own
It’s not love
When deep down you hate
That you can’t let go
Though you see
It’s not working
It never will
It’s sinking
In a cesspool of despair
Created by our drama
And our passion
And self-righteousness
Pity young lovers
Clinging to a vain hope
That young love failing
Without God’s blessing
Will work after all
But there is no hope
When you seek your own
And not the Lord.
Jesus help our finite blinded eyes to see
Love is sacrifice
Love is a choice
Love is from You
And should reflect You.
Thank you the wisdom to let go
And now I see
That it was not love
And was not meant to be.
Help me to know Lord
Your perfect will
That Love is not Love
If it is not in Your control.

© Emily Rebekah

The Hunt Begins

The New Roommate Search has begun. So far, I have had four calls responding to the ads on Craigslist and KSL, and two have looked at the place. My Craigslist ad is struck some as very humerous, and feel free to respond to the post if you want to read it.

Of the people I have screened, I liked C, the very first girl I met. She is 20, and has been married and divorced. That’s downright mind-blowing to her. She told me she pretty much has a “housefull” of stuff, so should she choose to move in, FURNISHING MY APARTMENT WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM! Woot! B, the other y0ung woman, seemed nice, ut I learned not very much about her. I hope if she calls back we can chat and get some backstories from each other. I don’t want just a roommate, I want a friend.

I have been doing some thinking about how I first reacted to jess’ news. I did completely overreact, and inside, I didn’t even feel a fraction that scared. I realize that I sort of did it out of…. habit. Overreacting, spazzing, whatever you want to call it, is something I have always done. The times where I have remained calm in a tense situation suprise people. It’s as if people expect me to be dramatic. I rise to the occasion.

I hate to say it, but I like the attention that comes with a reaction. And it’s completely wrong and VERY IMMATURE. Its nice to know, though, that inside, I don’t have even close to the drama that I display outwardly. My emotions trust the sovereignty of God. Now it’s time just to put my actions in line.

Being alone hasn’t been so bad. I have good friends I am catching up with online or on the phone. I am reading. I had coffee with a new friend on Monday. I have my Latin Ballroom class tonight, and I know I can find something to do the rest of the week. Seriously, my life here is much richer than I give it credit for.

Above all: I can handle this. I have endured much worse. And Jesus steadies the storm.